1am Observations
by HepburnJunkie22
Summary: A minific that turned into more...a generous prompt from okaynextcrisis on Tumblr. Prompt: #1 What you said after 1 am.
1. Chapter 1

**_This was originally a prompt given to me by the lovely okaynextcrisis over on Tumblr. It turned out a little bit longer than a _****_minific lol. I decided to post it because I really liked the way it turned out :)_**

**_It's been a while sine I've written in the BSG sphere and id forgotten how much I loved these characters! The only thing I own is the story, everything else is not mine. Remember, reviews are love!_**

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Normally she went in search of him in the middle of the night...when she felt the sheets had gone cold, she would seek him out in their quarters. She would stumble, bleary eyed and still half asleep through the darkness looking of him. Laura would find him slumped over his desk reviewing reports or at the farther end of the couch, a book clutched in his hand.

She would whisper for him to come back to bed, trailing her fingers across his shoulders and down the front of his tanks; the touch feather like. Her green eyes would sparkle and gleam, then he would know well what she wanted.

_Come back to bed,_ she would whisper.

Her breath would fan his ear, _Its so late..._

_I'm lonely without you_, she would plead.

But tonight was different...he was the one who awoke to an empty bed although the sheets were still warm. She hadn't been gone too long if the indent in the mattress was any indication.

Bill sat up in his rack, scrubbing the sleep from his face as he waited for the room to come into focus. The first thing he noticed was that their quarters were still dark, the head door was open and the lights were unlit. His heart began to race as he realized she might not be here at all...then where had she gone?

He rose from the bed, muscles that had lain dormant for a few hours protesting at the stretch. It was then that he realized that the oversized brown robe of his she normally favored was still hanging beside the rack. Now he really was worried.

He pulled it over his tanks and boxers, tying the sash as he marched towards the hatch. Bill was startled to see only one of the stationed marines present as he pushed the hatch open. he sprung to attention when he heard the latch begin to spin.

"Sir!" he greeted, the salute firmly at his brow.

The Old Man couldn't help but grin slightly, "At ease."

The young man stepped into parade rest and before the Admiral could question him further he supplied the information.

"She was headed towards the observation deck," he reported, "about fifteen minutes ago Sir."

Bill nodded his gratitude by reaching up to the man's should and squeezing it gently. With that he started off down the maze of hallways, determined to find her.

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He nodded to the second marine as he arrived outside the hatch to the obso deck, twisting the latch gently...he didn't want to scare or disturb Laura.

If he hadn't been looking for her Bill probably never would have seen her. She was tucked into the corner of the observation window, body slightly angled so she could see through the glass to the stars that lay beyond.

She was dressed in one of his old Galactica sweatshirts, the size making it look more like a dress on her. On her lower half were a pair of soft black leggings..he still wasn't sure where she'd found them; Laura would say they made her feel safe and protected. She had forgone the wig for one of her soft scarves, there would be no one around at this hour to seeker be less than presidential anyway.

Her silhouette was intoxicating and he yearned to go to her, comfort her with his touch. From the angle of her body and the light form the stars, Bill could see the delicate slope of her nose and the curve of her lips. The gauntness of her cheekbones could be seen from the way her jaw was moving...then it hit him. Laura was talking quietly to herself, her voice so low and melodious he couldn't help but sit and listen. he seated himself in one of the chairs in the back row.

He could hear the tears and emotion in her voice, the regret and all the confusion. She was just beginning to realize how real her reality was becoming. Bill had known she'd been struggling with it for weeks, but now? It seemed to be all coming to a head and it was too much.

She asked why a lot. Everything and anything she could ask the question of she did.

_Why her?_

Her lip quivered here a little.

_Why was she the dying leader?_

He could see her body shaking.

_Why this life?_

She rubbed her hand gently over her scalp.

_Why this path?_

Her sniffle was piercing in the silent room.

_Why now?_

The sob was muffled by her sleeve.

"Why would I find him," she whispered brokenly, "only to be ripped away?"

The pain in Bill's chest only intensified with her grief; she was hurting so badly and he didn't know how to fix it. He wanted to tell her it would be ok..that they would both be ok, but that was an outright lie. His ears perked up as she began to speak again and this time his heart shattered.

"Its so unfair, so wrong," she whimpered, fists clenched by her sides.

He made to get up and go to her, but her next words stopped him cold.

"He doesn't deserve this."


	2. Chapter 2

_**So I have a very special friend who requested another chapter to this, and I'm really glad she did! Thank you **__adama-roslinlove__** for all the encouragement **_

_**As always the characters/show belong to their perspective producers and writers, I'm only playing. Oh and reviews are love!**_

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Laura startled slightly as Bill slipped into the space next to her; she hastily tried to wipe the tears from her eyes, clearing her throat delicately. She couldn't help the small smile that curved her lips at the sight of her Admiral. The hour was late and she knew he had been sleeping when she left, so his hair sticking up in all different directions didn't come as a shock to her, it was the look of concern that shone from his eyes. His hand where he placed it on her thigh was warm…comforting.

"What are you doing here?" she questioned.

He spoke softly, "I was worried about you."

She sighed quietly and rubbed at her scalp. She realized that he must have woken up alone and then came looking for her; no doubt her guards pointed him in the right direction. Then she came to the realization that he had probably heard everything she had said when she'd believed herself to be alone; she could feel her cheeks heating with embarrassment.

Laura wasn't normally one to complain or obsess about her fate. In fact a lot of the time she would have these episodes away from the prying eyes of everyone, especially Bill. He could read her like no other and there would have been no way to hide any of this from him, he would have figured her out eventually.

"I'm fine," came her husky voice.

She could see her Admiral tilt his head out of the corner of her eye and knew immediately that he had picked up on the slight tremor in her voice. Sometimes she wished he didn't know her as well as he did…sometimes she wished that he hadn't taken the time to get to know her or even befriend her.

_This would have been so much easier._

He grunted softly, "You can't hide from me Laura."

She wished that she hadn't let go of her self control, that she hadn't let him in. None of this was fair to him, she had always felt that she had deserved some kind of penance for past discretions but he shouldn't have been caught up in it all too. The thing she had always feared was happening, she was losing her objectivity and her will to persevere no matter what.

Before him she had feared death, who in their right mind wouldn't? The fear of the unknown and what was to come; had she lived her life to the satisfactory of the Gods, or would she be judged harshly? She had been afraid but she had also been resolved to her fate; accommodating and accepting of what was in store, whatever it might be, for herself. She hadn't been worried about leaving anyone behind or how her death would affect them, only that humanity itself was safe. She hadn't been worried about the empty void her death would cause because for so long she had no one to miss her when she was gone.

Then she had felt her walls begin to crumble. They had begun to crack when he had come down to Kobal to apologize and tell her he believed. The crack spread when he had kissed her after receiving his admiral wings. The crack widened when she awoke from her death the first time and found him sitting at her beside in the medical bay. He had greeted her as the president but she could see the relief in his eyes from not losing his friend quite yet. Then it widened still over the next few months, all the behind the scenes instances with Baltar and the then upcoming election.

With each shared instance, the ground breaking of New Caprica, her return to power, the return of her cancer, Baltar's trial, Kara's return, jumping away with the Cylon basestar, and then the mutiny, she could feel the chasm becoming larger. She hadn't paid attention and she had let him slip past her defenses; he then went straight to her heart. Bill loved her that she knew, but some days she wished that he hadn't fallen for her or she for him.

"I was just thinking," she supplied.

His reply was slow in coming; he seemed to be choosing his words or his approach carefully.

"What about?"

Laura gestured with her hands in front of her jerkily; annoyed at his obliviousness, it was only too obvious.

"This," she stopped, "this, us…the whole situation."

Bill was staring straight ahead, unconsciously rubbing her thigh with his hand in an act of comfort, but she knew he was still listening intently. She could tell be the way his fingers tightened on the material of her leggings.

"What about it?" he questioned.

She huffed, "You don't want to know."

She could feel his stare boring into the side of her head; she could easily visualize the blue eyes she loved so much alight with the irritation she felt. It was like a wave in the water, she could feel the intensity of it grow.

His voice was low, somber, "I wouldn't have asked if I didn't want to know."

At the tone of his voice she turned her head sharply and for the first time since he entered the observation deck they connected eyes. His eyes had always been the way for her to see into his soul and they didn't disappoint now. She could see the concern and sadness in the forefront, but also the love and maybe even guilt in the background.

She looked away nervously.

She was the guarded one, the person who never showed emotion or shared her feelings and he wore his heart on his sleeve. Bill was the one who would want to talk about what he was feeling and what he needed; Laura would listen intently and nod in the appropriate places but she was loathe to share her own experiences.

She didn't want to tell him what she had been thinking…she didn't want to hurt him anymore than she already had or was going to in the end. He didn't deserve that or what was going to happen; she would protect him from that at least.

"It was nothing Bill," Laura tried to dismiss the fact.

He grunted again, "It wasn't nothing that made you leave our bed in the middle of the night."

She couldn't argue with that logic.

"It wasn't nothing," he continued, "that made you cry while staring at the stars."

She looked into his eyes once again and at the sincerity she saw there, she could feel her own eyes begin to pool with tears once again. She was ashamed as she felt the tears fall, kissing her prominent cheekbones and rolling off her chin. She was ashamed to be showing this kind of weakness, to have let him chip away her walls, and to have to say goodbye.

The warm hand on her cheek made her inhale shakily and all she could do was nuzzle into the roughened skin of Bill's palm. He was looking at her, pleading for her to talk to him.

"I'm afraid," she admitted.

He hummed noncommittally and encouraged her to keep going. A gentle swipe of his thumb to her cheek gave her a small amount of courage.

"Its so hard," she began, "before I wasn't afraid to die, I had begun to embrace it."

She felt Bill's demeanor shift slightly and his hold become tighter at the mention of her death. It was a sore subject no matter how much she tried to prepare him for the inevitable.

"But now," she whimpered, "I have something to live for…and I'm not ready to let it go."

With that Laura crumbled, all the composure she had worked so hard to maintain fell around her.

"I'm not ready to say goodbye." She whispered tearfully.

She curled into Bill's embrace and buried her face into the crook of his neck, sobbing vehemently. She felt his arms encircle her and his warmth enveloped her; she could vaguely feel the gentle brush of his fingers against her scalp.


	3. Chapter 3

_**This will be the last chapter of this little saga and although I'm not happy with it, I hope you all will enjoy it! I love writing them and I hope to have a few more BSG centric stories up soon, so stay tuned!**_

_**As always I do not own the characters or their show, just the story **__** And reviews are love!**_

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To Laura it felt as if they had been sitting on that ledge near the window on the observation deck for years. But she knew that it had only been minutes, they were content to just sit in one another's presence. She was embarrassed…she wasn't used to letting people see those types of melt down even though they were few and far between. Even with how comfortable and safe she had become wit Bill, he had never seen this side of her, this range of emotions.

And she could tell the poor man was at a loss for what to do. He knew she needed support and love, which he could give endlessly; he could hold her and comfort her physically, but in all reality he couldn't find the words she needed to hear. She could sense that he desperately wanted to help; he was trying for her and that was what mattered, he would try his hardest.

_Or maybe he didn't know how to say it_, she thought to herself.

That was more of Bill's style, wanting to say something…needing to say something, but unable to phrase it the way he wanted it to be said.

"I'm sorry," she hiccupped.

He hummed softly, placing a gentle kiss on the crown of her head. He let his lips linger just a little longer than necessary, she could feel his breath rustle the fabric that adorned her head; that was happening a lot more lately. She knew Bill was experiencing something similar to her self, but more in the sense of feeling helpless and heartbroken. He was watching the woman he loved slowly slip away and he knew that he would eventually have to be left behind.

She sighed softly, "Not for the outburst Bill, but for abandoning you."

Laura looked up, eyes red and puffy from the onslaught of tears. The look of concern that crossed his face was almost comical or it would have been if not for the situation they found themselves in. A lot of things would have been joyous and amusing over the last few months if not for everything; her disease had robbed them of so much, cheated them out of so many experiences.

"Laura," his voice, "his voice was gruff where it vibrated against her ear, "I'm not upset about you leaving tonight…"

"No, no, no," she shook her head, "I mean for putting you through all of this."

Her hands were flying through the air as she was explaining this to him. Her hands were her way of emphasizing what she wanted to say, giving a little more depth and feeling to her conversations. Bill was convinced that she had always talked with her hands…he often imagined a young Laura, teens maybe, discussing a grade with one of her teachers.

He stopped her flailing hands by gently cupping them in his own. She found herself getting lost in his eyes as the rhythmic movement of his thumb across her knuckles. He had always been gentle, but in the last few weeks it was just as painful as comforting to feel.

Her Admiral's eyes were sad, the brown impossibly deep and incredibly dark as they searched her face desperately. She knew how painful this subject was for him, how soul wrenchingly sad it made him feel. But if she was being complete honest with him as well as herself, they would have to have the difficult conversation sooner rather than later. His voice was barely above a whisper when he spoke.

"Please don't ever apologize for this," he indicated them with his own hands this time, "or for us."

Laura shook her head from side to side; she was unable to comprehend what he had said. He gripped her chin and forced her gaze upwards, it was almost as if he wanted her to feel as well as hear what he was going to say.

He smiled slightly, "Like I said on that far away and wet planet…everyday is a gift."

She gave him a watery smile that barely lifted the corner of her mouth. It was tentative and unsure, she knew what was coming next, she knew her line and she had memorized it really.

"From the Gods," she recited.

He shook his head in the negative, "No…from you."

She could feel her lip begin to tremble and to her horror she could feel her traitorous eyes beginning to fill once again. It was such a simple yet poignant moment in their relationship; it was the turning point. The time when trust was freely given and love was just beginning. It was the ultimate act of trust when Bill placed his faith in her on that distant planet. They had lost so much and risked much more, but for at least a moment she could breathe.

Laura turned sideways, pulling Bill's arms around her body, burrowing into the warmth he exuded. She was always cold these days and she could never seem to shake it…being in his arms eased the chill somewhat.

She knew they would be able to speak more freely if they were comfortable. Eye contact was never a problem between them, in fact in a lot of the situations they needed to be able to silently communicate. But here and now, Laura needed to be able to speak without being overcome by her emotions and looking into his eyes again would wear her down. His arms lifted from where the rested as her chest rose and fell with her steady breaths. She closed her eyes briefly as Bill pressed a chaste kiss to the side of her temple.

"I don't want to leave," she confessed quietly, "I still have so much to do…so much left to see in this life."

The prominent lump in her throat was hard to swallow past and for a moment she was afraid it might rise up and consume her. Laura paused and contemplated what she wanted to say next. The conversation was going to take either a very serious or a very bad turn and she wasn't sure if she was prepared for either.

"We need to discuss what happens next."

She stroked Bill's arm soothingly, her rhythm similar to his on her hand earlier. She could feel his answering murmur, a positive sound in nature, rumble through his chest at her back.

His voice was a low rumble when he spoke, "Yes we do."

Her breath became shallow at the possibility to finally put this to bed; she was relieved he was so inclined to agree.

_The years are making him soft_, she silently smiled to herself.

"But not today," she could hear the amusement in he Admiral's voice.

He must have felt her body tense because his hands began to caress her arms, willing her to relax and almost pleading for Laura to hear him out. She began to relax as the rigidity slowly left her body, she decided that maybe this was a conversation they weren't yet ready to have…she couldn't force it.

"Not today," she agreed, "but soon."

As she said it, Laura turned her body slightly, locking eyes with Bill once again. She drew herself up in posture and took on role of the President to focus his attentions and she needed him to understand. The green of her eyes was luminescent, a fire that no matter how sick or despondent she became, never seemed to diminish. The look in her eyes brooked no room for argument and Bill bowed his head in understanding.

When she was satisfied faced forward again, looking out of the observation window and settled Bill's hands back across her chest. The ghosting of lips against the material covering her scalp caused a small smile to lift her lips.


End file.
